Top 8 club constitutions

Luke Young

He/Him

Managing Editor

9/12/23

Hello Plymouth State Community, I have returned to spread another one of my (correct) opinions, except this time on an issue affecting the entire campus: Clubs. If you were uninformed, to be considered a valid club, you must submit a constitution to The PAW, the new student organization portal, that outlines the rules and regulations of your organization. These documents are readily available, so I will let you know which ones are the most notable.

8. The Clock

This organization is the worst out of the bunch. Their constitution is 7 pages long, but their Style Guide takes up an additional 26 pages. Yikes. Per Article 4, Section H of the constitution, The Editor-in-Chief can’t be elected to Student Government because of a “Conflict Of Interest.” I suppose that’s okay since only hot people read The Clock, but the limiting power is uninspired. Their officers also have to hold office hours, which frankly sounds tedious and uneventful for their staff. The only saving grace is that their impeachment process is extensive, as evidenced by Article IV, Section 7, and Article IX.

7. Finance and Investment Club

Honestly, I didn’t know this club existed until I started looking into clubs. They have two vice presidents, which makes zero sense. Who inherits the club in the case of the president’s disappearance? Their goal is to help students learn investment practices by investing pretend money in fake equity and ETF securities. They may invest in telecommunications during their capitalist D&D though, so be careful what you text about them.

6. Poets and Writers

Poets and Writers have a passable constitution, although it’s only two pages and shares a few E-board positions with The Clock as seen in Article I, section b, which will inevitably lead to war. My main gripe with this one is that it’s in prose instead of verse. Represent both sides of your club, guys. Poets have feelings, believe it or not. Despite this, the constitution hasn’t been updated since 2013, so I can’t say it fully applies to how they run things now.

5. Men’s Rugby

Men’s Rugby hasn’t updated its constitution since 1995, but how much has the sport changed in the last 28 years? The club has 5 elected positions including a fixtures secretary, who corresponds with other clubs, as they claim in Article VII, Section 7.3 of their constitution. They also clearly state that “Men’s Rugby must play and conduct themselves according to the bylaws of the Plymouth State Rugby Club.” Following your own rules is a must, so I’m glad they put it down in print. I do have to give them credit though, because the club does require their members to do 10 hours of community service to establish a positive image in the name of rugby.

4. Philosophy Club

This club’s preamble states their mission to “enhance minds” in Article I, Section 3, which is a valiant cause, especially with their invitation to professors, staff, and citizens of surrounding towns to join in at meetings. Meetings occur “at some point during the weekday” which is vague and leaves a lot of room for missing a meeting. The formatting of their constitution isn’t good, because having center alignment on your documents blows. Their proceeding on impeachments is extensive and superb, as it should be, and can be found in Article I, Section 3. One particular critique is that they should probably change the ordering of the section on club officers, as mentioning how to give up the position first does not make logical sense. Lastly, I support their rule against trauma dumping because it doesn’t lend itself well to discussion. If this offends any members of this club, then they’re not true stoics. 

3. Paranormal Research Club

This club has six “lead investigators” on their E-Board but doesn’t commit to the bit enough. President? Do you mean the Lord Necromancer? Also, when you have equipment for paranormal investigations, flaunt it a bit more. I would love to hear about what doodads and whatsits they’re using, and any possible inspiration drawn from Ghostbusters (1984). Their policy about the treasurer being constantly vigilant in Article III, Section 2 is a bit intense, but when you’ve got a lead it’s good to be prepared. The biggest complaint besides the non-commitment to the bit is that the Constitution is not haunted or spooky in any way. They have access to all ghosts but couldn’t get ol’ Thomas Jefferson to sign off. Tragic. 

2. Student Government Association (SGA)

SGA has 26 reps, which is a good number of reps if you’re exercising or representing a diverse community. Their Latin motto “Ut Prosim” speaks to my little catholic brain nicely, though my 3 year Latin studies won’t let me translate it. The parliamentarian is a bit unpatriotic, but I’ll let it slide since anybody can suggest an amendment to the Constitution, currently found in Article X, Section 1. The only thing that could make this club more patriotic is if they’d consent to wearing powdered wigs when in session. That would make the club so much better and increase recruitment tenfold.

1. WPCR

This club gets the top position not only because it has 12 possible positions, but because the president is a real-life dictator, as shown in Section IV. If they don’t want to give up the position, they don’t have to. This runs entirely contrary to what the founding fathers wanted, so they fled the tyrant King George III. Their exposition and vocabulary are awesome, especially the use of malfeasance and rectification. Using words correctly and often strengthens the resemblance it has to the constitution of our forefathers. Citing their sources is also lovely, though this isn’t a scientific study that will be cited much. My case is special, since as a journalist, readers have a right to see where my baseless claims come from.

What it comes down to is your use of cool words in the constitution, your commitment to the bit, how patriotic you are, and your influence on the community. Once again, if you feel my opinions are invalid in some way, find me in real life and we’ll discuss.